XxX Kisses XxX

I know what I want for my birthday, I also know I can't have it and it hurts so bad. I can't go on like this. Oh the pain, the agony. I fear leaving Belgium and not being able to say goodbye. Kiss goodbye. It's like whenever he ends his texts/messages/emails whatever with XxXxX or Kisses or Love ya I just die. He is soo sweet and ever so romantic. He geniunely cares. Not like other guys. You know, I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't fall in love again until I was sure I could handle it. So then when I first met him and he asked if he could go out with me I said no. I could see he was devastated but he said it was my decision and if that's what I wanted he would just have to accept it. We got talking and soon I ended up giving him my phone number. I tried to deny the fact that I had feelings for him but in the end he was just too irresistible. God, how I tried to get him out of my head. But he was everywhere. I couldn't block him out for a second. Next thing I know, I'm telling him I love him. Sheesh.
Note to self: never hide your feelings.
You can't choose who you fall for. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. I should stop now. I still have to do my Geography homework and this is just killing me. I mean, writing about it does make it a bit better, in a way. But it still hurts.